


ellipsis

by theholyjuggernaut



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Caring Dean Winchester, Castiel Makes a Deal with The Shadow (Supernatural), Episode: s15e11 The Gamblers, Getting Together (Sort Of), Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, Sad Castiel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2020-01-31
Packaged: 2021-02-25 05:16:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22490674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theholyjuggernaut/pseuds/theholyjuggernaut
Summary: Seldom does happiness follow farewells.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 3
Kudos: 33





	ellipsis

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't even seen the new episode other than the clips of Jack returning, so this is set after that, I guess? Basically since Cas has Jack back, there's really only one other person who could completely fulfill his happiness, and we all know who that is... so Cas leaves. And Dean is a good friend, and he still feels guilty, so he doesn't press. Might add a second part at some point, cause I want to delve deeper into Dean's side of all of this.

Dean lifted a hand up to Cas’ face. Something gentle swam through his eyes, a mix of turbulence and sadness that made the angel want to lean forward into his touch a little more. He was tentatively breaching their normal level of physical affection, and Cas was helpless against it. He gripped Dean’s sleeve, as if to stabilize himself from the ebb and flow of the tide between them. Cas didn’t want to leave. Deep down, with a bit of selfishness, the angel wanted to bring Dean with him into the waves–where he would undoubtedly sink one day. 

If the hunter kept doing this, whatever it was that had his heart flipping and turning in ways he didn’t think possible for someone like him, Cas couldn’t stay for much longer. His deal hung over his head like a noose. The Empty was  _ nothing _ , and nothing was far worse than what he and Dean had been through. He’d take their fights and disagreements over pitch black emptiness in a heartbeat; he’d take their rare moments of intimacy, which became less rare and more  _ instinct  _ over their years together. It was curling around his neck, the desperation that grew stronger each day, and the admission that Cas didn’t, at any time, want to live without Dean; he didn’t want to be taken away. 

The angel inhaled faintly, eyes trailing up to Dean’s. “I have to go,” Cas said, letting his discontent seep into his voice. He purposefully averted his eyes then, unable to bear the flood of emotion shifting through the hunter’s face. Cas could hear Dean’s breath subdue, and the warmth shifted ever-so-slightly against his cheek. There was a silence, overflowing with something profound. 

“Just tell me why,” he said softly, eyebrows scrunched up in a way that was so inexplicably  _ Dean _ that it made Cas’ heart creak and groan, like the ramshackle floorboards of a sailboat in a storm. “Please.” 

Dean was crestfallen, he could tell, but it wasn’t coated in anger–the kind of anger that made Cas leave the bunker all those unpleasant weeks ago. It was understanding, it was confusion, it was so close to the brink of  _ brokenhearted _ that Cas almost regretted his words. But if the angel felt a twinge of shameful comfort at the thought that Dean wanted him here– _ want _ , rather than need–he tried not to let it show. 

Cas didn’t know how to reply, how to explain the harrowing deal he was bound in. He was worried that if he told Dean, he and his brother would undoubtedly try and fix the situation. But that’s not what Cas wanted, because if Dean tried to take his place…he’d never forgive himself for it. And if Cas broke his deal, then Jack would pay the price. He wasn’t going to let his son go through that again–never. Dean seemed to sense Cas’ despair, and dropped his fingers to gently enclose around the angel’s shoulder, pulling their eyes together again. 

“Hey,” the hunter whispered, and Cas tried to gulp down the ache in his throat. His attempt was feeble, and the pain only seemed to get worse; a raw harshness that made his lip curl acutely, the mortal harbinger of tears. It was rising up in his chest, threatening to burst through his throat if he spoke. 

“Dean...” he choked out anyway, voice rough and gravelly. It surprised even him how utterly destroyed he sounded, despite his attempts to bury it all. “I’m sorry,” he breathed, and it didn’t feel like enough. There was too much unsaid between them, and they both could feel it–the unrelenting lack of words. Cas blinked against the wetness in his eyes, and Dean said nothing as tears slipped down Cas’ face. The hunter looked upset, both hands now clutching his shoulders. “Don’t you say that,” he chided, slowly brushing a thumb under the angel’s eyes, “You’ve said it enough, Cas. It’s okay.” 

Dean leaned forward, slowly, his arms tenderly wrapping around other man. Cas let his head rest against the crook of his neck; comforted at how soft the hunter’s flannel was against his calloused skin. Cas sighed shakily, lifting a hand to swipe at his eyes, as Dean pulled him tighter into his chest. The silence gave way to the steady thumping of their hearts.

Dean and Cas said nothing for a long, long time.   
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment! I love them. Without them, I starve. Don't let me starve, y'all. <3


End file.
